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Couples Resources

Meeting Notes

Rekindle & Renew with Bright Spot Network, May 2025

In collaboration with our friends at Bright Spot Network, and the amazing Carissa Hodgson, LCSW, we hosted a discussion on communication. Some of the themes discussed include:

  • How cancer side effects impact communication (ex: short term memory loss, personality changes, pain/irritability, brain fog, fatigue)–communication may be totally different now
  • With the threat of death you find you are MORE communicative and open–want to talk about anything and everything, including end-of-life, death/grief, life after death (getting re-married)
  • Communication with partner may be different than communication with other loved ones; some relationships become tough to navigate while others may become deeper and more meaningful
  • Increased reliance on technology since cancer–so many appointments means shared calendars, emails/texts; high-touch communication but mostly about cancer or medical issues, less time/energy to discuss other meaningful topics
  • Increased arguments due to increased stress–“arguments about stupid stuff”; but some of you find you make-up quicker because you have perspective (“I only have 5 years left to live, is this really worth fighting about?”)
  • Navigating special diets, naturopathic techniques and aaaallllllll the suggestions people give you to cure cancer; friends and family flooding you with the latest articles or research to be helpful (but it can be really annoying!); one of you said you’ve decided it is best for you to just tune-out everything that your doctor isn’t telling you because you trust their expertise

    • Some resources shared include:

    Article about cancer’s impact on partnership/communication

    Body work some participants are using:

    Tai Chi

    Reiki

    Tapping

    Legacy projects:

    Inheritance of Hope Foundation

    One Day to Remember

    Getting a second opinion: https://triagecancer.org/quick-guides/second-opinion-checklist

    Rekindle & Renew with Bright Spot Network, June 2024

    We are honored to be collaborating with the Bright Spot Network to support YA couples that are going through or have been through a cancer journey.

    Some statistics and studies relating to relationships, sex and intimacy for AYAs:

    A study from NCBI found that 82.9% of partners reported that cancer impacted their relationship, with 55.9% reporting a negative impact

    A 2020 Sexual Health study found that 87% of cancer patients reported sexual toxicity (cancer treatment negatively impairing their sexual health)

    A 2021 NCBI Sexual Health Study found decreased sexual sensation and sexual responsiveness affects over 60% of women diagnosed with cancer while erectile dysfunction affects up to 75% of men with cancer

    A 2022 ASCO journal article reported that only 27.9% of cancer patients were asked about their sexual health even tho 87% of patients reported sexual function affects; men asked far more than women

    During our discussion, we covered may things relating to sex and intimacy, including the following:

    • Medical teams typically do not address sex other than safety and discussion participants wanted to also discuss chemo side-effects relating to intimacy, pleasure, and changes
    • Seeking the help of therapy and sex therapy can be frustrating and daunting as it isn’t covered by insurance, there are long wait lists, and the exercises given by therapists create more ‘to-do items’ and can drain energy
    • It can be difficult to advocate for yourself, find the right resources, and find the right people who have the knowledge, information, and tools to help
    • There is grief around body changes, sexual changes, relationship changes and while you try to adjust to a new normal, everything is constantly changing (cancer, kids, life, etc.)
    • Sex can become painful which is hard on the partner as well, especially when it had been a pleasurable, connective activity in the past and partners do not want to add pressure to the partner with cancer
    • Trying to see how sex and intimacy can look different without feeling like a failure
    • Shifts in what feels good and having to communicate this during sex
    • Going through the same experience but from two very different lenses
    • Navigating and respecting different coping mechanisms
    • There can be POSITIVES that come out of having to navigate cancer as a couple – it bringing you closer together, finding your strength and resilience, being forced to go to therapy that helped you grow as individuals and as a partnership