Relationships & Family

Bright Spot Network – provides young cancer survivors who are parents of small children with a safe space for individual and familial healing, recovery, and reconnection.

Hope for Two – An organization dedicated to supporting women diagnosed with cancer while pregnant.

Pickles Group – provides free peer-to-peer support and resources for kids and teens impacted by their parent or guardian’s cancer.

Worth The Wait – Fertility and adoption grants for cancer survivors.

We were honored to have three of our program alumni and some of their caregivers/partners join us for a discussion on Parenting Through Cancer. We recorded the discussion and you can view that recording here. There were countless insights and ideas – we hope you find it useful.

UC San Diego Health published a patient toolkit that outlines specific strategies and recommendations for improving family preservation outcomes for participants.

Fertility Patient Toolkit

In collaboration with our friends at Bright Spot Network, and the amazing Carissa Hodgson, LCSW, we hosted a discussion on communication. Some of the themes discussed include:

• How cancer side effects impact communication (ex: short term memory loss, personality changes, pain/irritability, brain fog, fatigue)–communication may be totally different now
• With the threat of death you find you are MORE communicative and open–want to talk about anything and everything, including end-of-life, death/grief, life after death (getting re-married)
• Communication with partner may be different than communication with other loved ones; some relationships become tough to navigate while others may become deeper and more meaningful
• Increased reliance on technology since cancer–so many appointments means shared calendars, emails/texts; high-touch communication but mostly about cancer or medical issues, less time/energy to discuss other meaningful topics
• Increased arguments due to increased stress–“arguments about stupid stuff”; but some of you find you make-up quicker because you have perspective (“I only have 5 years left to live, is this really worth fighting about?”)
• Navigating special diets, naturopathic techniques and aaaallllllll the suggestions people give you to cure cancer; friends and family flooding you with the latest articles or research to be helpful (but it can be really annoying!); one of you said you’ve decided it is best for you to just tune-out everything that your doctor isn’t telling you because you trust their expertise

Some resources shared include:

Article about cancer’s impact on partnership/communication

Body work some participants are using:

Tai Chi

Reiki

Tapping

Legacy projects:

Inheritance of Hope Foundation

One Day to Remember

Getting a second opinion: https://triagecancer.org/quick-guides/second-opinion-checklist

We had a group discussion on Navigating Holiday Gatherings. Our discussion questions, the topics covered, and some tips are below.

Topics Discussed:

• Coping with chronic pain and holiday plans
• Setting expectations with family and friends around holiday plans and what you are able to do
• Practicing self compassion and self care when you are unable to go to plans
• Planning ahead: Scheduling events that work for you and are spaced out enough that you feel you are physically able to go to
• Coping during events: Prioritizing self care during events, such as getting some space and practicing grounding techniques to be present
• Looking ahead: Recognizing what weeks may be more hectic and scheduling downtime in order to physically and mentally recharge

Discussion questions:

• What do you want out of the holidays? What is important to you and your family?
• How do you want to feel? What qualities do you want to embrace? Peace, fun, connection?
• What are your concerns? What are your biggest concerns for the holidays and how do you plan to cope with them?
• What are your boundaries? What boundaries do you set to manage your pain, like time limits on activities?
• How do you care for yourself? Physically, emotionally, and spiritually?
• What’s your favorite holiday memory? What is a story or experience that makes you laugh or smile?
• What traditions are meaningful to you? What new ones can you create?
• How do you balance your needs and wants? How can you balance your wants and needs with the needs and wants of others?
• How do you acknowledge your emotions and the emotions of others?

Tips:

• Set boundaries
• Increase self-care
• Set realistic expectations
• Resist comparing your holiday to others
• Accept your feelings
• Seek support
• Avoid controversial topics
• Establish personal boundaries
• Excuse yourself
• Have an ally
• Limit alcohol
• Manage expectations
• Practice gratitude
• Embrace your memories
• Focus on positive interactions
• Focus on what you can control
• Limit your time
• Make a plan
• Say no
• Take a break
• Take a mindful moment

We were honored to have Carissa Hodgson, LCSW, OSW-C, Director of Programs & Community Outreach for Bright Spot Network join us to share about how to support children through a parent or loved one’s cancer. See the slide deck for her presentation.

How to Support Children Through a Parent or Loved One’s Cancer

We are honored to be collaborating with the Bright Spot Network to support YA couples that are going through or have been through a cancer journey.

Some statistics and studies relating to relationships, sex and intimacy for AYAs:

A study from NCBI found that 82.9% of partners reported that cancer impacted their relationship, with 55.9% reporting a negative impact

A 2020 Sexual Health study found that 87% of cancer patients reported sexual toxicity (cancer treatment negatively impairing their sexual health)

A 2021 NCBI Sexual Health Study found decreased sexual sensation and sexual responsiveness affects over 60% of women diagnosed with cancer while erectile dysfunction affects up to 75% of men with cancer

A 2022 ASCO journal article reported that only 27.9% of cancer patients were asked about their sexual health even tho 87% of patients reported sexual function affects; men asked far more than women

During our discussion, we covered may things relating to sex and intimacy, including the following:

• Medical teams typically do not address sex other than safety and discussion participants wanted to also discuss chemo side-effects relating to intimacy, pleasure, and changes
• Seeking the help of therapy and sex therapy can be frustrating and daunting as it isn’t covered by insurance, there are long wait lists, and the exercises given by therapists create more ‘to-do items’ and can drain energy
• It can be difficult to advocate for yourself, find the right resources, and find the right people who have the knowledge, information, and tools to help
• There is grief around body changes, sexual changes, relationship changes and while you try to adjust to a new normal, everything is constantly changing (cancer, kids, life, etc.)
• Sex can become painful which is hard on the partner as well, especially when it had been a pleasurable, connective activity in the past and partners do not want to add pressure to the partner with cancer
• Trying to see how sex and intimacy can look different without feeling like a failure
• Shifts in what feels good and having to communicate this during sex
• Going through the same experience but from two very different lenses
• Navigating and respecting different coping mechanisms
• There can be POSITIVES that come out of having to navigate cancer as a couple – it bringing you closer together, finding your strength and resilience, being forced to go to therapy that helped you grow as individuals and as a partnership

We were honored to have Megan Scherer from Worth the Wait join us to talk about empowering young adult cancer survivors on their journey to parenthood. You can view their presentation here.